Now, let me preface this by saying that I’m no relationship expert by far. But I, like many women I assume, have often struggled with the role my boyfriend’s (when I have one) friends play not only in our relationship but in my life in general. To that end, I reached out to one of my dearest friends today to get her take on the situation via text. Find a transcript of the convo below. She’s absolutely brilliant and I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed speaking with her about it.
Me: My love!!! How are you? I have a situation that I’m trying to flesh out in my head…like how I feel about it.
Friend: Tell baby girl about it.
Me: How do you deal with your man’s friends? Do you expect them to be your friend as well and have your best interest in mind…or do you take into account that they are “men” and will abide by “guy code” and look out for your man and his interests only?
Friend: I would say a little of both. I like to believe that I’m a good person and that a sane individual would like to see another person treated well (“man you shouldn’t do that to her she’s a great girl” etc. etc.)
But also, I know that when it comes to my friends I care about them way more than any man so I’m more than likely to expect the same from a man’s friends.
Me: Okay. I was wondering if it would be unreasonable for me to expect a male mutual friend to express those sentiments you mentioned. I think it’s reasonable. Maybe less when it’s more his friend than mine but again…a sane individual should have some sort of moral compass.
Friend: One thing I have realized is that a man’s moral compass doesn’t always work as accurately as a woman’s because most of them don’t have a sense of urgency in life. We women are truly concerned about our future selves and any damage we do to another person really sticks with us. Men are absolutely sure that they will have the woman and the life they want regardless, so they are more willing to forgive their own past transgressions.
Me: Wow…that’s so insightful. It makes so much sense as well. Does that mean that we have unrealistic expectations then? It’s all just so confusing…
Me: Let me answer my own question. I don’t think it’s unrealistic if a guy is actively pursuing a relationship with Christ because then his views about these types of things will more accurately reflect what is right. Got it. 😊
Friend: I think that’s the answer.
Me: And I think you’re wonderful.
Friend: Like attracts like m’lady. 😍
(The last two exchanges weren’t particularly relevant, I just wanted you all to see how cute we are lol)
Moral of the story is simple- if you lay with dogs, you’re going to get fleas. You may think that your man is a good person and he very well may be, but you should also consider who he surrounds himself with. He should surround himself with like-minded men that are in active pursuit of the Kingdom (as you should with women) and the issues discussed above won’t be a concern. Yes, Jesus hung out with the tax collectors and’nem. BUT Jesus was preaching to the wretched, not turning up with them.